Let me end this year on a humour note:
New Year’s Resolutions
It is a time of resolutions. I made one resolution many years ago and I have stuck to it.
I resolved to no longer make resolutions.
The following are some alternative affirmations for a new year.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.
When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.
Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!”
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future?
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ZEN SARCASM
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. In fact, just leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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