Ambimama - India

Spell Checker
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye can knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

Nasty Virus Alert
Should you receive an email entitled “Badtimes”, delete it immediately. Do NOT open it. Apparently, this is a pretty nasty one.
Not only will it erase everything on your hard drive, it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It will demagnetize the strips on ALL of your credit cards.
It will reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you may attempt to play.
It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law’s number.
It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which will grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
Should the “Badtimes” message be opened in a Windows 98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
These are only a few signs of infection, so do BEWARE!

Life Before Computers
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!
Memory was something you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped no one found out!
Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for quite a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu!

Idiot Computer Virus
We regret to inform you, but by opening this email, you have just received the ‘Idiot Computer Virus’.
Since our staff does not have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all files from your hard drive immediately, then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank You

The Internet And The Penis
It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but hard to get any real work done.
If you neglect to apply protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses and confuses yours.
If you’re not careful, it can get you in big trouble.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
Some people have it and some don’t.
Those who have it would be devastated if it were cut off. They think those who don’t have it want it.
People who don’t have it may agree that it’s a nifty toy but think it’s not worth the fuss made about it.
Once you’ve started playing with it, it’s hard to stop.
Some people would play with it all day if they didn’t have to work. Then again, some do anyway.

Reasons Why Computers Are Female
You no sooner have one, when a better one is just around the corner.
No one except the creator understands the internal logic.
Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message ‘Bad Command or File Name’ is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to explain it to you”.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending at least half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

Advertising in Error Messages
Microsoft announced it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows.
Acknowledging for the first time ever that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is attempting to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression.
“We estimate that throughout the world, at any given moment, several million people are getting a ‘general protection fault’ or ‘illegal operation’ warning. We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it,” said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror. He also mentioned that Microsoft is intending to add banner ads into its Blue Screen of Death in the very near future.
The Justice Department immediately indicated they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.

WORK Computer Virus
There is a new virus making the rounds called ‘Work’. If you receive any kind of ‘work’ at all, be it via email, internet, or simply handed to you by a colleague - DO NOT OPEN IT!
Work has been circulating around our building for months and those who have attempted to open ‘work’, or even look at ‘work’, have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you should happen to encounter ‘work’ via email or are faced with any ‘work’ at all, then to purge the virus send an email to your boss with the words “Sorry, I’m off to the bar”. The ‘work’ should automatically be deleted from your brain.
Should you receive ‘work’ in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the ‘work’ to your trash can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest bar with a couple of friends and order some beer.
After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that ‘work’ will no longer be of any relevance to you.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I’m afraid the ‘work’ virus has already corrupted your life.