Ambimama - India

People really scare me when I am sick. The doctors cure and care. But if you are being loved by your friends, they really make you get tired of calling on you and enquiring.
I recently had a major health problem. No I cannot tell all the details. I am really sick of telling it all over again. I really appreciate the kindness, the questions asked and the sweet talk. But some of them gave me free advice like:
“Do not worry. Take it easy. We will go out and have some coffee!”
“I know a Homeopathy Wonder Drug!”
“Do not sit at Home and Relax! Come out and Be Positive”
“What at this age? Take my case - I am old and healthy. Follow my advice”
“Stop listening to what people say to you. Be Happy and watch TV”

I have stopped informing more friends and relatives about my actual health problem to avoid curious loving enquiries and serious advices based on things that worked for them.
I cannot really relax and try to go out by walk or take a ride. They immediately think I am lying. This poses more problems!
Never say Never again about my sickness.

Every time I try to correct a problem in my system (here it means the computer) I run out of patience and will be happy if my program or application works. Even if it is slow I carry on. The complete correction can wait.

I am happy if the system works and I am happy as long as I carry on my work. This time, I correct and it works. If it is a virus or worm attack I download some freeware and kill or delete the file. The total re-installation can wait. If I have an Internet problem, I curse my ISP and demand immediate service. Even if he says there is a problem with my system, I do not accept. Finally when it comes to no choice, I back up files format and re-install the O/s and MS-Office. It is because of the drudgery, more than the time involved. The easy option is - this time only and the syndrome can be seen in my Life too.

There are three inevitable things in Life - Taxes, Monday morning and system crash on Diwali eve.

Positive thinking drives us to excel in the competitive world. More positive thinking leads to Greed and closure of Lehman.

But there are practical things:
Parents’ or Teachers’ threat or compulsion does not make me to get good marks. And earning or Losing Money has no relation to the Academics.
Only the intention to get good marks does not make me get good results. Exam fear drives us to get good marks.
No one taught me to Love or How to Love someone. It just came.

To overcome the Unknown Fear, the best way is Prayer. Other means of consolation, advice or treatment are secondary.

I had good dreams last night and the Light was there. The thought of age, dependency and depression vanished. I must get hold of what is to be practiced and then Fear does not bother me.

The greatest secret in Life is to attain joy by remaining silent and in enjoying the Silence. But it needs a great seer to break his silence to tell us the How of this secret. The Adi Guru with a Chinmudra shows this symbolically. The Parama Rahasya or Supreme Secret is observing Mouna. This never applies to practical Life, where I have to talk to earn Money or utter even a lie to escape Police torture.

Sometimes opening my mouth will put others in embarrassment or trouble. A simple silent smile would do. When I hear others, speak sense or nonsense but do not comment it becomes even more difficult. I must speak but softly and be careful not to hurt. All this is not practical at all, as I am not a Buddha. The only solution is to laugh at me. Whether WordPress gives me difficulty in embedding videos on Blog or Vista does not allow my data to work on other systems when copied.

Perfectionists do not sleep till they achieve perfection. I learn and improve or allow others to think I am perfect by remaining silent.

In the beginning I blogged for myself. It was an outlet to write whatever I felt interesting. Then something of interest to the public. Sometimes emotional, intellectual, political, religious, personal and boring topics. There were problems of spam and hacking. Traffic or No Traffic, I wrote. Now I see lot of tips for Blogging and improving traffic.
And genuine interest from Blog communities to share the articles so that more people read, enjoy and benefit. Writing to satisfy my ego and just writing had made me write some nice ones! If that interests someone let it be! Damn my Blog Ego.